Yellow

An old song. A forgotten memory. An unsaid word.

Sometimes it all comes back. Like a gush of cold wind on a chilly afternoon. It jolts your mind. Makes you remember someone... something. And you melt. And you freeze. All at the same time. You wonder how much time has passed. How far along you've come. How much behind have you left it?

It's all hazy and yet so clear. It's so close and yet so far. You want to but you can't touch it. You're scared.. you don't wanna scar it. It's too holy.. too pious.. 

And then you turn and walk away.... leaving the small light flickering behind.. never looking back feeling just a little yellow.

Vanished

Somehow sometimes in relationships, we often forget our own selves. To a point where one day we wake up and try finding ourselves and figure that the "we" we knew as... has vanished. Love is the most highly overrated subject. People sing songs and write stories... But what if one doesn't want to lose oneself in a relationship? What if one wants to hold on their own and not for a single moment forget that it is their relationship with them-self which is the most important one. The love for their own self? Would it be tagged selfish? Would it be deemed low?

The world is changing and so are the people in it. The mindset is changing. Women are empowered. Men no longer believe they are the best. But at the core of it all, one of the two people involved in any relation have to let their choice pass 'cause it would mean more to the other. One of the two still chooses the others choice 'cause somewhere at the bottom of it all, its 'cause love is known to ask for sacrifices.

Some of us get past life, unscratched and happy in our own space we created loving others, but sometimes just sometimes... there are those who want to love themselves as much.

Happy Men's Day

Today is the 8th of March. The world celebrates it as International Women's day. Thank you. For whoever invented it. As a woman I take pride in all I do. As a mother of two and a business woman I understand how multitasking is a part of our day to day job. Kids, work, home, husband... I pat my back sometimes. I know I goof up at times and can't reach everywhere but I still do.. almost magically, almost scraping through.

So today as I sat organizing my day in the morning (yes some of work on Sundays as well!), I browsed through my Facebook and realized it was Women's Day. I looked at my husband and said "Wish me.. It's Women's Day". He smiled, planted a kiss on my cheek and wished me. End of conversation. Knowing my husband I didn't expect more. And then thanks to my over thinking mind, my thoughts drifted towards the race we know as MEN. In the past few days I've read and heard about horrific crimes and men who've committed it and men who've defended it. I swore under my breath.

And then I thought about all the men I've known closely in my life. My Dad, my friends, my husband and now my son. I almost immediately thanked God for their existence. They are some of the best people in this planet. They make my life so worth living.

I read somewhere "Women who want to be equal to men lack ambition". I disagree. I think it's unfair that people keep comparing women to men . Its like comparing oranges to lemon. They're  two different kinds. Capable of doing different things. Sometimes similar things but very differently. One doesn't need to compare the two. I have been very lucky in having friends.. guys and also my husband.. who think the same. There was never any competition owing to gender at least.

Today I strive to teach my son the same morals I've seen in these wonderful men. First and foremost respect for a fellow human. Regardless of the gender.

I hope someday we'd have invented Men's Day too. Until then....Happy Men's Day.

Happiness

Happiness is a very relative term. What makes us truly happy? It can have varied answers. Millions of answers. Career growth, love, kids' smiles, shopping, social work, money, fame. The answers are so many. It's unbelievable.

But in most of these answers we are dependent on external factors to keep us happy. True happiness idealistically should not depend on any thing other than your inner self.  But is it possible? 

We often wonder how can a person or a situation have such an impact on us? How can we let them take such control of our lives that they decide if we can be happy or not. Shouldn't we just detach our self from all negative forces and make sure our inner peace makes us happy? Easier said than done you'd say. I'd say too.

Over the years, we've all cried and gotten sad and resolved we are not gonna get hurt again. And yet again we cry and get sad and wonder if it's really worth it. Are some people in our lives worth all the tears we shed for them? All the minutes of our lives we waste being sad. Are they doing us any good?

While pondering over it I realize, Happiness is a choice. One could choose to be happy or sad. And once you decide that you choose to be happy. Nothing can make you sad. Yes there are certain situations which can cause a lot of grief but if we remember that time is a great healer and give time sometime... we all heal. We always do.

And if we choose to be happy then in times to come when years have gone by and we'd look back we'd be proud of ourselves for standing tall and facing the storm of our lives with our heads held high and a smile on our face.

The choice is really ours.

Wonderful Teachers

Teachers Day just past by. I logged onto my social networking site and saw a number of thank you updates for teachers on this special day. Some were nice enough to say Thank you to their mums as they are the first teachers in a childs life and yes I agree nobody can teach you more than your mums.

So I sat there staring at my computer screen and thinking of all my fantastic teachers.. at school and in college. I also thought of my very wonderful Mom. She's taught me so much. I wished I could actually write a personalized Thank  You to all those people who've taught me a thing or two.

While reminiscing of my school and college days I also felt a pang of sadness. In this journey of life some of my closest people have drifted away. Somehow from actually throwing birthday parties for each other and wishing at midnight our association has reduced to a "Happy Birthday" post on FaceBook.  

I sat there still when my son entered the room with a balloon in his hand. He ran to me to give a hug and saw my eyes a little mist. He handed that priceless balloon to me and said "Mumma... For You". I couldn't help but think how much my kids have taught me.

They've taught me to smile through tears. To forgive... and forget. To trust. To be patient. To love unconditionally. To be strong. These are big lessons in life. But somehow these tiny creatures can teach them without blinking an eye. 

So I thank all my teachers from school and college. A big thank you to my mum for being my first teacher. You're fantastic. 

And a big hug to my kids. You are wonderful teachers. 

Two Simple Words

Our lives are made up of choices. Yes and No seem two perfectly simple words. But these simple words form the basis of our lives. Want to study further? Want to take up this job? Want to get married? Want to have kids? These are life defining questions. The answers are a simple yes or no but are they really that simple to answer.

Most probably not. No matter how clear we are about our life and about our future, some answers are not easy to give , some decisions not easy to make. One could argue that we should know what we really want in life. And yes, most of the time in our 20's we feel we know exactly what we want and where we are headed but by the time you are approaching your 30.. life has taken up a different shape. So who is to blame? Actually do we need to blame? The answer depends on weather we are happy with what happened with our lives or not. Also, if we are able to keep ourselves happy with whatever life gave us. 

You could do your MBA and end up taking an HR job... or study computer science and end up  in a banking job. You could marry your childhood sweetheart and end up in a divorce or marry a complete stranger and end up growing old with him. Most of us would say it's destiny.. but remember we are the same ones who about ten years back resolved we would carve our own destinies.

But like they say "All's well that ends well". In this lifetime if we've had a few good friends, made our parents proud, worked on our marriage,  loved our kids unconditionally and kept our self happy and strong regardless of the ups and downs of life, we  must have made the right decisions. Given the right answers.

After all they are two simple words... Yes and No.

  

Beyond The Walls

A few years back when I was working as a teacher in a Montessori school in the US, I was closely involved in this program called "Beyond the Walls". It was basically directed at giving the kids a chance to get out in the open and discover new possibilities on their own. I had never seen those kids as happy as they used to be for this particular class. The fresh air outside and the power to create and  do something new and exciting used to bring out the best in all the kids. 

I delivered my princess a little over 3 months back. I was back from the hospital on the third day. Postpartum depression hovered over me. I was just getting through each day, somehow managing with 2 kids. Both of who wanted my full attention. After a while I realized that there was no time for myself. And that is a bad thing. One needs the ME time. Time beyond just looking after home and husband and kids. 

The ME time could be anything. From taking a walk by the sea to reading a book. From cooking your favorite dish to meeting a friend for coffee. But one deserves it. It nourishes you. It's like sunshine. You bloom.

Another very important aspect of the ME time is the time spent with your husband. Not just as a mother of his kids but as his wife. The long drives should not stop because now you're parents. The dinners and the late night coffees could still continue. Yes, there are adjustments to be made once you become parents but that does not mean you stop being two individuals in love. The long drives could be a little short and the dinners could just mean grabbing a quick bite at your favorite hangout. But this is what keeps the spirit of marriage alive. The love alive.

It's not just the kids who need to see the beautiful sunshine and glittering stars. Even we need to get "Beyond the Walls".