Happiness

Happiness is a very relative term. What makes us truly happy? It can have varied answers. Millions of answers. Career growth, love, kids' smiles, shopping, social work, money, fame. The answers are so many. It's unbelievable.

But in most of these answers we are dependent on external factors to keep us happy. True happiness idealistically should not depend on any thing other than your inner self.  But is it possible? 

We often wonder how can a person or a situation have such an impact on us? How can we let them take such control of our lives that they decide if we can be happy or not. Shouldn't we just detach our self from all negative forces and make sure our inner peace makes us happy? Easier said than done you'd say. I'd say too.

Over the years, we've all cried and gotten sad and resolved we are not gonna get hurt again. And yet again we cry and get sad and wonder if it's really worth it. Are some people in our lives worth all the tears we shed for them? All the minutes of our lives we waste being sad. Are they doing us any good?

While pondering over it I realize, Happiness is a choice. One could choose to be happy or sad. And once you decide that you choose to be happy. Nothing can make you sad. Yes there are certain situations which can cause a lot of grief but if we remember that time is a great healer and give time sometime... we all heal. We always do.

And if we choose to be happy then in times to come when years have gone by and we'd look back we'd be proud of ourselves for standing tall and facing the storm of our lives with our heads held high and a smile on our face.

The choice is really ours.

Wonderful Teachers

Teachers Day just past by. I logged onto my social networking site and saw a number of thank you updates for teachers on this special day. Some were nice enough to say Thank you to their mums as they are the first teachers in a childs life and yes I agree nobody can teach you more than your mums.

So I sat there staring at my computer screen and thinking of all my fantastic teachers.. at school and in college. I also thought of my very wonderful Mom. She's taught me so much. I wished I could actually write a personalized Thank  You to all those people who've taught me a thing or two.

While reminiscing of my school and college days I also felt a pang of sadness. In this journey of life some of my closest people have drifted away. Somehow from actually throwing birthday parties for each other and wishing at midnight our association has reduced to a "Happy Birthday" post on FaceBook.  

I sat there still when my son entered the room with a balloon in his hand. He ran to me to give a hug and saw my eyes a little mist. He handed that priceless balloon to me and said "Mumma... For You". I couldn't help but think how much my kids have taught me.

They've taught me to smile through tears. To forgive... and forget. To trust. To be patient. To love unconditionally. To be strong. These are big lessons in life. But somehow these tiny creatures can teach them without blinking an eye. 

So I thank all my teachers from school and college. A big thank you to my mum for being my first teacher. You're fantastic. 

And a big hug to my kids. You are wonderful teachers. 

Two Simple Words

Our lives are made up of choices. Yes and No seem two perfectly simple words. But these simple words form the basis of our lives. Want to study further? Want to take up this job? Want to get married? Want to have kids? These are life defining questions. The answers are a simple yes or no but are they really that simple to answer.

Most probably not. No matter how clear we are about our life and about our future, some answers are not easy to give , some decisions not easy to make. One could argue that we should know what we really want in life. And yes, most of the time in our 20's we feel we know exactly what we want and where we are headed but by the time you are approaching your 30.. life has taken up a different shape. So who is to blame? Actually do we need to blame? The answer depends on weather we are happy with what happened with our lives or not. Also, if we are able to keep ourselves happy with whatever life gave us. 

You could do your MBA and end up taking an HR job... or study computer science and end up  in a banking job. You could marry your childhood sweetheart and end up in a divorce or marry a complete stranger and end up growing old with him. Most of us would say it's destiny.. but remember we are the same ones who about ten years back resolved we would carve our own destinies.

But like they say "All's well that ends well". In this lifetime if we've had a few good friends, made our parents proud, worked on our marriage,  loved our kids unconditionally and kept our self happy and strong regardless of the ups and downs of life, we  must have made the right decisions. Given the right answers.

After all they are two simple words... Yes and No.

  

Beyond The Walls

A few years back when I was working as a teacher in a Montessori school in the US, I was closely involved in this program called "Beyond the Walls". It was basically directed at giving the kids a chance to get out in the open and discover new possibilities on their own. I had never seen those kids as happy as they used to be for this particular class. The fresh air outside and the power to create and  do something new and exciting used to bring out the best in all the kids. 

I delivered my princess a little over 3 months back. I was back from the hospital on the third day. Postpartum depression hovered over me. I was just getting through each day, somehow managing with 2 kids. Both of who wanted my full attention. After a while I realized that there was no time for myself. And that is a bad thing. One needs the ME time. Time beyond just looking after home and husband and kids. 

The ME time could be anything. From taking a walk by the sea to reading a book. From cooking your favorite dish to meeting a friend for coffee. But one deserves it. It nourishes you. It's like sunshine. You bloom.

Another very important aspect of the ME time is the time spent with your husband. Not just as a mother of his kids but as his wife. The long drives should not stop because now you're parents. The dinners and the late night coffees could still continue. Yes, there are adjustments to be made once you become parents but that does not mean you stop being two individuals in love. The long drives could be a little short and the dinners could just mean grabbing a quick bite at your favorite hangout. But this is what keeps the spirit of marriage alive. The love alive.

It's not just the kids who need to see the beautiful sunshine and glittering stars. Even we need to get "Beyond the Walls".

The PTM

The PTM: Parent Teacher Meeting. It's that day which is looked forward to and dreaded the most by most mums. While you walk up those stairs to his school, in your head you have already defended your child in front of his teacher several times. Already gone home and tried to make a schedule to teach him what his teacher would say he is weak in. Already promised yourself you would sit with him every afternoon and practice coloring. That's the only thing he is bad in right? And then you walk in and take your seat with a whole lot of other mums who are as scared and worried as you are. Misery loves company and you are a little relaxed. After all you are not alone.

The teacher enters and gives feedback in general to all the mums. Some kids, she says are aggressive. Is it mine you ask yourself.... Nah. Can't be. Your child is the most well behaved and well mannered one. Didn't he actually say "Hello Aunty" to the neighbor the other day. Some kids are very messy eaters the teacher says. Not mine my head says. Mine loves to eat finger foods. Drops a little here and there but that's not being a messy eater. Give yourself full marks for teaching him table manners. Some kids don't follow instructions the teacher remarks. Hmmmm.... mine? Now panic strikes.. well it can't be mine. He listens when you ask him to keep the bottle of water away... He dropped it right down the last time.. He's a kid. He didn't know keep away doesn't mean drop it. It's the same for a two and a half year old.

Now let's do a one on one with parents says the teacher. Okay this is it. You ask... Is my son doing alright? She smiles and says... Very good. He is doing very good except for the "Remembering Mumma" syndrome sometimes followed by a few tears.. he's doing very good. He knows his colors and shapes, she smiles. Pat pat pat on the back. He knows his colors... AND shapes. 

You can leave now she says.You walk out. Feeling like you've got an A+ in your SATs.

That is being a mother.

Almond Crusted Chicken Strips

If you are a mum like me who hates to serve unhealthy food to your little angels, here's a quick and healthy recipe which would leave your kids licking their fingers and asking for more!

Ingredients:

450 gms Chicken breast (cut into strips)

1/2 cup sliced almonds

1/4 cup whole-wheat flour

1 1/2 teaspoons paprika

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon dry mustard

Freshly ground pepper (As per taste)

1 1/2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

4 Egg whites

Salt to taste

Oil to coat

Method:

1. Take almonds, flour, paprika, garlic powder, dry mustard, salt and pepper in a food processor. Blend until the almonds are finely chopped and the paprika is mixed throughout.
2. Add extra virgin olive oil to this mixture and blend again.
3. Whisk egg whites in a shallow dish. Add chicken strips and turn to coat. Transfer each strip to the almond mixture; turn to coat evenly.
4. Bake the chicken strips in a preheated oven (preheated at 475°F/ 245°C) on both sides until golden brown, crispy and cooked till center.

Once a Mother... Always a Mother

Deciding to have a child is a huge step. Knowingly or unknowingly you decide to let a small living, breathing  person dictate your life. Most people who have not had kids would argue that its not such a big deal. People have always had kids. I mean its the most natural phenomenon. But ask the mums. Specially the new ones. The labor and delivery pains are still fresh in their minds. Those moments are still raw when they felt their lives are going to end and yet all they wanted was to make sure their baby was fine.

Those nine months when you gradually prepare to be a mum... you don't realize that you already became one the moment the pregnancy test came out positive. And then everyday you get closer and closer to the tiny body inside your growing belly.

The D day arrives and you're in the hospital. Not knowing what awaits you. After hours of pain and feeling that this is it.. you would not do it ever again... you hold the tiny being in your arms.. and you know it was all worth it.

But the harder part is yet to come. Sleepless nights, colic, breastfeeding and dealing with a whole lot of unwanted advise. But your tiny love grows. Slowly.. steadily. You cry every time he's in pain. Every time you have to take him to a doctor because he has temperature. You lie awake all night to make sure he's sleeping. Your hands automatically scoop when he's about to throw up. The first time he looks up at you and smiles you proudly call your mom and give her the fabulous news. And then there is that most important day of your life.. more important than even the day you got married to the love of your life. The day he says... Mumma. 

The worry never ends however. You worry when he eats less. Does he have worms in his stomach? You worry when he climbs and jumps. What if he falls? Worse.. what if he falls and I am not around? You worry and you worry some more.. while your baby grows. Everyday into a more and more independent person.

One day your small little kid is no longer really small. But guess what you are still worrying. Maybe not as much about whether he is eating enough among other things. But worrying, nonetheless. 

Because there is no going back. No returning. Once a Mother... Always a Mother.